


Love Long, and Suffer

by khapikat222



Series: Loving Tragedy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alien Culture, Body Image, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Cuddles, Empathic Reader, F/F, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Gambling, Invasion of Naboo, Mentions of Slavery, Mind Reader - Reader, Multi, Naboo is so peaceful and artistic/philosophy based that to an American that's alien enough XD, Nerf Herder is the weakest insult because Nerfs are a staple animal for many products, No innapropriate useage of The Force here get your minds out of the gutters, Not even trained proper until much later in their life, Past Child Abuse, Podracing (Star Wars), Psychological Trauma, Reader gets Animal Comparisions, Reader is NOT a Jedi, Reader-Insert, Self Trained Jedi, Space is cold and we all wanna cuddle okay, Spiritual Death, Star Wars (Marvel Comics) References, Star Wars References, Threat of being sold to Slavery/Jabba the Hutt, Young Love, emancipation, force sensitive, young marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khapikat222/pseuds/khapikat222
Summary: Daughter to a man lost in his own misery, you were sent  to the Naberrie home to be raised alongside Padme and Sola. With an  uncanny sense of other’s emotions: You thought for a long time you were to be a servant to her family, with many nightmares of what a life might be like as a menial worker for a noble house. The reality couldn’t be further from your darkest dreams.
Relationships: Padme Amidala/Anakin Skywalker (Later but it's starts growing here), Padmé Amidala/Reader
Series: Loving Tragedy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092353
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anakincanchokemethanks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakincanchokemethanks/gifts).



> Hi yes I started a thing again. I know I have other works but I got into Star Wars again and I got in DEEP.  
> This is the first part of a series I intend to write. Following a Chubby!Fem!Reader with force sensitivity through her relationship with Padme and later on Anakin. This is the first installment I'm not sure how many parts there are going to be but I intend to have each part finished before posting it on my tumblr. Each chapter going up on Sunday, before adding it here Monday. I have every chapter written and edited it's just a matter of padding time out so I can write the next part without demands for updates okay? Okay!
> 
> Written in loving regards to all my bigger readers like me who are tired of reading the same one-shot of reassurance smut. I love those a lot, but I really want more than just: your fat and beautiful in my fanfics. But I have to write it myself. 
> 
> Gift for anakincanchokemethanks here on AO3 for being inspirational and also Tired(tm) of reassurance body image smut. Thanks for all the writings and head canons and thirst on Tumblr!

_“I’m sorry sir, she does not meet the requirements of our order.” The Jedi Sentinel droned. Your mother having just passed, your father, raging._

_“Please I have no way of caring for her on my own!” Your whimpering doing nothing to lower the desperation in his heart. “I’ve got a failing business; I’m running out of options for my workers. I cannot do this! Please!!!”_

_“I’m sorry sir. But the Jedi code is clear on this.” The sentinel replied. Walking out of the maternity room. Leaving you in the hands of your father, while medical droids went about cleaning the blood, and your mother’s cooling body. Your whimpers and wailing going unheard for hours._

_These were your first memories._

_~~~_

“You’re lucky girl. You’re lucky your mother’s dying wish was to see you work for a living.” Your father sneered. Barely kept in his attire appropriate through shear will and quality threads. Wearing the formal casual red of his house. Created from your family’s shops. Fibers grown if the fields of Naboo. Your father was a businessman. Focusing on apparel.

Waiting in the plaza before the royal court of Naboo. Between the garden playground created in memorial of the latest queen’s husband, and the merchant’s stalls. Your father had all but sold you to slavery in all but name. It was not a hidden fact that your father was the last of the family successful businessmen. Having inherited what wealth was passed along the line. He had been adding onto that long success. Until your birth. Until your mother’s death.

You stood tall as your five-year-old self could. Cheeks still carrying the pudginess of childhood. The rest of you too. Yet you shook like a newborn fawn. You knew exactly what was to happen today. You were to be on your best behavior. To be courteous and serve everyone in the meeting with the best quality care a maid could give to their masters.

Hidden from the world your father had instilled the fear of being sold away to some backwater world. Or to the Hutts. Or whatever slaver would take you. If you were not accepted as a servant to the Naberrie family today. You would be sent away from Naboo, from your father, and home world. He had held your shoulders tight enough to bruise your soft skin. Feeling the desperation he had since you were welcomed into the world. Shaken you until your acquiescence to his demands calmed him. You would behave for the Naberries father! You would serve them perfectly made tea and not spill a single drop! If you failed, you would go to the first ship to Jabba’s Palace for the rest of your life. With or without crying.

He straightens himself beside you. Seeing four people approaching you. Two adults and two daughters. The Merchant family of four. Your father regularly worked with different trades, and the Naberrie patriarch oversaw many weaving facilities and labor. Quality assessed by his wife. And was a tentative partner to some of your father’s farms.

Naboonian customs demanded cordiality and respect above politicking and passive insults. At least to one’s face. You remember this better than your father, who remained aloof, but you could feel his irritation and desperation for more credits to gamble on lost Fathier races. His latest escape from his failing family business. Curtsying to your betters. Your eyes turned to the ground. Fearing your father’s stories of nobility and their pension for abuse.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Lord and Lady Naberrie.” You recited. Your voice shaking. “I Thank you for-“

“Hush Bergru.” Your father interrupted suddenly. Always wanting his approval and avoid aggravating another night in darkness you shut your lips tightly. “Children. Quite rambunctious If left to their own devices for too long.”

The Naberries were affronted and appalled at your father. Why? This is how he was. It was his right to shush you before you embarrassed yourself. To hold and shake you to get the point into your thick skull. And if you did something wrong to lock you away in the cellar. You did not speak up about their rising irritation or anger you sensed from them.

Were you not to address your new employers before your father? Was that why they were angry? Had you overstepped your boundaries as the lowest ranked currently? How could you make it up to the Naberries? How could you fix your insult?

“Come on, lets go play!” The youngest -Padme- had grabbed your hand before you could pull away, before you could muck up your job as a servant further. Wide eyed and scared for all the insults she may have caused to her parents and your father. You were helpless as you were pulled to the nearby park. Where she led you to the swings. Already begging you to push her.

So, you did as your father bade you to do: Serve the youngest Naberrie, by pushing her in the swing-set. Keeping your hands away from anything that could be misinterpreted as an attack.

You felt her rising joy. Not from the swinging (she hated heights). But from her clever plan to get away from all the parents. And her parent’s gratitude towards their youngest daughter. not for your diligent efforts to aid their daughter in the swings. But for the chance to see you away from your father.

You were along for the ride. Not wanting to be sent to the Hutts. You played her games. Showing the Nabierries what a great servant you could be by obeying every demand of Padme’s. Trading pushing duties with Sola when she came over and offered to push her sister as well. The harsh voice of your father being drowned out by Padme’s Laughter as she leaped from the swing at its highest point, tumbling to the soft sand.

You played with the sisters through the entire meeting. All the while your little mind was wondering why the Naberrie parents were just as proud as Padme for committing the social feux pas of a first meeting. And why your father’s thoughts were as muddled with sorrow, like those times he ate and drank in the evening.


	2. The Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is getting nicer in later chapters just hold on keep reading, the bullying and self deprecation aspects will be over soon I promise!

“Bergru? Could you help me with this question?” Padme asked.

You had served the Nabeirries for a year now. You were now 6, she 7.

The nightmares your father told you about higher members of society were proven false on the first week you were with them. The parents: Rewee and Jubal. Had on no uncertain terms, allowed you to serve with the other maids in their house. You were taught politics, religion, galactic cultures with Padme by your side.

You still cornered the head maid and all but beggared her into teach you menial work on the first day. Fears of being locked away in the dark cellars of the grand home at the forefront of your mind. Chained to the small bathroom in the hall and dowsed in cold water for hours. Or the lashings from the corded whips. Did the Naberries import their own leathers?

Your father wanted you to work for them so you would.

_You knew your place._

You were no Lady of the courts, or student of the Queen or Senator Palpatine. It was the one time you had put your chubby foot down. Rejecting their attempt to replace your father and late mother. No matter how dead or horrid they were to you. It took time for them to understand your place was not above their daughters. You were to be nothing in their eyes. A shadow loyal to their lives and served their needs.

The Naberrie parents were equally horrified at your descriptions of what they should do to _you_ , if you did something they did not like.

So, they agreed after a long night of negotiations on your role. Insisting that you hold the title of Padme’s right-hand friend. A title you accepted. Even when the string of words made no sense together. You were no one’s friend. You were their daughter’s servant. Her guard. But they had worded your title and duties in so much legal jargon, that it took you five years to realize they had all but ordered you to be a true friend to their daughters. And that your “servitude” was the same jobs their daughters already had.

You were to dress yourself and brush your hair and teeth every morning. Attending the same classes as Padme. Your room was to be cleaned every day, aside from any current projects that could not be immediately cleaned nor put away. Communal areas where you and Padme played together were to be cleaned up after you both were done. Bedtime was an hour after sunset. Not a single speck of a meal was to be wasted. And if you required anything for your studies or entertainment: you were to let the Parents, education droid, teachers, or head maid know.

They had tricked you into being a little sister with older sister jobs.

Since nothing in the negotiation required serving any Naberrie unless they called you for help. You were treated as a spare child and sibling. You never felt like a proper sister to Padme though. Nor did you allow anyone to treat you like her sister. Regardless of the passage of time. You never accepted the connection. You had accepted however the duplicity of her parents that blossomed your relationship with Padme into a friendship.

“Colo Claw Fish. That’s the Gorgan appetizer at important meals.” You replied. “Using the scales of the Colo as utensils.”

“Thanks, Bergru” Padme smiled.

“That’s not my name.”

Her smile faded at that. “But your dad called you by that name when we first met?”

_“You’re no better than the Bergruutfa I keep fed on Teloc! At least if you were a Fathier I could train you to race for me, but even then, your hefty weight and endless desire for food would run me bankrupt!”_

You pulled out the pad on common animals through the galaxy. Showing her the Beast of Burden your father named you after.

“Bergruutfa?” Padme read aloud your first name in full. The name your father gave you. “Why would you not love the creature your named after? They are social animals, friendly even! I’ve dreamed of gaining a herd trust enough to pet the babies.”

“They’re used for farm work, hard labor. You can’t eat them, and they eat way too much vegetation to sustain on any other planet without a lot of credits spend on their care.” You explained. “I’m just a burden and eat too much for any family to pay for. That is why I was sold to your family. Father couldn’t keep me fed and I was useless to him and his work.”

“You were not sold to us!!!” Padme yelled! You felt her disgust, her anger, her wounded pride in her family. “And your more like a Vulptex or Tuskcat than a bergruutfa!”

You snorted with full insult intended. “I am no tuskcat or vulptex. Those cats fit you more than me.” _I will always be a burden to someone_ you thought venomously towards yourself.

Padme apparently caught on. “Then you’re like a gualamas **. An honored beast and friend to queens!!!** ”

You could not come up with a retort. So, you returned to your studies on common planetary ecosystems before she interrupted your studies once more.

“If Brugru isn’t your name. What is?” she asked softly, having left her desk to lay her head on your hand on the desk. Placating, pleading for your forgiveness you could feel it. She truly meant no insult, she only meant to boost your confidence by comparing you to protected pets of the Queen. She did not believe your father’s words nor your conviction on being a beast of burden. Trying to find a middle grown to remind you how important some beasts are in the universe.

She really needed to get better at being tactful.

So, you gave her the name your mother had whispered on her deathbed. “Y/N”. You forgave Padme for her accidental insult.

She smiled, her own childish cheeks shrinking back towards her ears with dimples. More angular and defined than yours, but just as cheeky and youthful. “I like it!”

“What was that yelling about selling people?” Padme’s Mother interrupted any further discussion.

“Moma! You were right, He did name her after an animal! Meet Y/N My best friend!” Padme squealed. Pulling you out of your chair to shake hands. As if you were meeting again for the first time.

“Padme, we really must work on your tact.” Her mother sighed. But smiled taking your hand in hers. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Y/N. I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

And just like that a switch went off in your mind. They would really accept you without the fear of your father hovering over everyone. The dark cellar, the cold showers, the whips, the starvation. They had no desire for any of that. They would never do such things to their daughters. Or their friends. You could be a child. You could be your mother’s child!

You smiled for the first time, your cheeks puffing, and tears reddening your eyes. Shaking Her hand, you croaked. “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Naberrie. Thank you for letting me stay here as I have.”

“It’s an honor to have you under our roof. To see you and Padme play together.” She stood up. “Now Why don’t we see about visiting the ice cream parlor with the others. Let them know the real friend of Padme?”

“Before dinner?” You asked hopefully. Fearing a smack from Padme for reminding her mother about the rules. Or a slap from her mother for suggesting such a thing.

“Right now,” She replied. Turning her gaze to Padme as she spoke: “if we can get your father away from his desk.”

“PAPAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! SOOOOOLAAAAAA” Padme screamed. Running down the hall towards the office. With you and her mother following behind. Walking, like a lady is supposed to do.


	3. The Force DOES Work Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last pre-series chapter! Next Sunday/Monday we get into The Phantom Menace Events and my personal favorite prequals~

Three years passed. The Naberries became part of the Advisory board for the Queen. Padme enrolled in the Legislative Youth Program. And you chose the train yourself in the ways of the Force. Though more realistically you trained to be the best guard for the Naboo royalty. Since Padme was aiming to become queen. You wanted to be by her side. Protecting her as she and her family did for you four years ago.

“Y/N! How long are you going to try using the force? I thought you had to be a Jedi to do that.” Sola remarked. Already betrothed to a noble house she looked like a noble woman would, dressed in finery and attractive to boot. A figure fit for the artists loving paintings.

“As long as it takes to prove to them that I am worthy of being a Jedi!” You replied. Returning to your glaring where a small painted rock rested annoyingly in your palm. Your hands had grown softer, the stripes of the whips fading. Leaving many marks of age and stress to your skin with the wrinkles. Having lost feeling in your legs when trying to meditate crisscrossed on the hard ground, you shifted to rest your legs obscenely against the fountain’s edge, the mist of the water tickling your sore legs as blood returned. The red skirts riding up your legs and pooling around your thighs and hip. Holding the painted rock above your head.

“Well don’t stay too long in focus, You and Padme are set to shadow Chancellor Palpatine this evening.”

“Okay.” You dismissed flippantly.

You knew fully that Padme alone was going to shadow the Chancellor. You would fetch the refreshments. Staying silent. Chatting quietly with the Panaka’s. And maybe you could get the kriffing pebble to float in your hand. As long as no one else saw, and you were not disrupting the meetings and lectures…you could practice floating a rock anywhere you wished.

You just hoped not to forget your training as a guard or miss any request from superiors you were to serve this evening.

“Any luck Y/N?” Padme asked softly. Her voice growing more confident over the years. Her posture and form the epitome of grace and beauty. You envied her most days. But then she would say the right things, offer the right comforts. And you would forget about your own insecurities about your growing form. A true diplomat in the making.

“None.” You rolled to your stomach with fluidity. Your shall settling perfectly on your back with no thread out of place. Pulling the skirt down your legs to be appropriate again you aired your grievances on your training: “I thought the force was strong with me…I guess that old coot was right.” You groused. Setting the stone to the ground. Sitting up on you knees next to the fountain.

“I don’t remember you being the kind to give up so quickly.” She picked the little stone up, recognizing the flower painted in vibrant red. “You kept it?”

“Of course!” You replied. “You gave it to me!”

“I remember throwing it at you!”

“Correction, you threw it at the boy who called me a Nerf Herder’s wife.” You moved to sit beside Padme on the fountain’s edge. “Just because it rebounded off his skull and gave me a black eye, shows more about his thick head than your intended target.”

Padme laughed. It was beautiful when she laughed. When it was you who invoked her joy it make it sound sweeter. You could feel her joy in waves larger than the storms on Kamino. “ _I remember the affronted look when you said he must have been a droid in disguise”_

“He was so pissed. Tried to invoke the Queens wrath on behalf of his droidian honor.” You laughed with her. But Padme stopped laughing, as you smiled. The silence dragging on. You broke it, before it became stifling: “What is it?”

“Read my mind again.” She ordered. Pulling you up to side next to her on the fountain’s edge.

“What?”

“Read my mind! You did it just now!”

“We were both there for that comment. I’m not a Jedi Mind Reader” You rebuked. Insulting yourself again. Shutting your eyes at her foolishness your hand’s cupping your face.

 _“Then there's the two of us.”_ She insisted. Reciting poetry. So, with your eye’s still shut behind your hands you humored her.

“This word is far too short for us, it has only four letters,” you answered. Letting her pick up the sentence.

 _“too sparse to fill those deep bare vacuums between the stars that press on us with their deafness.”_ You felt her hand rest on yours. Urging you to remove them. The sprinkle of water doing nothing to soften her grasp.

Opening your eye’s, you watched her grin with a mix of childish glee. Sensing mischief on her heart. So you spoke aloud. Watching her eye’s sparkle in the sun. “It's not love we don't wish to fall into, but that fear…”

And without moving her lips, her teeth never clicking, her tongue and throat never moving. Padme finished: _“this word is not enough but it will have to do.”_

“HOLY MAKER WHAT?!” You yelped. Almost falling backward into the pond. Were it not for Padme’s anchoring grip pulling you away from the danger of soiled clothes. Surprising you both with the force of her might. Landing in the grass with a thud from you. And an oof leaving her painted lips.

“Padme! Y/N! It’s time to go!” Sola called from the bannister.

“Coming!” Padme replied sweetly to her sister. Scrambling to get inside and change her dress stained with grass. You remained standing at the fountain. Gaping like a fish drowning on air. “ _Let’s not keep the Chancellor waiting_.” You hear her think. Clear as the sunny day.


	4. To Be By Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another interlude chapter with more discussion between yourself and Padme.

Padme was voted Queen. She was literally the Queen of Naboo.

She had the planet and the respect of the boards and republic. Her humanitarian efforts and compassion garnering her allies and enemies alike. She could not add you to her five handmaidens, who shared her likeness in uncanny ways. She did however name you her fiancée and Shield-maiden to her family.

Only one of those developments was a surprise. But you were happy to say yes to both.

“We’ve been together for so long now, I cannot imagine you anywhere else but my side.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being honest or if my mind tricks are deceiving me.” You teased. Taking pleasure in holding her in your lap. Feeling the contentment and comfort she gained in her rare respite. Resting her head against your chest, her arms wrapped languidly over your shoulders, her form fitting between your thick legs. Truly relaxed, knowing you to be safe and soft.

The day was filled with foreign dignitaries congratulating her on her election. Panaka honoring you with the Guard’s Bracers. And Padme surprising everyone with the announcement of your shared engagement. It was a surprise a week before the election when she asked for your hand. But it felt right. You were not her sister. You were not her servant. Nor were you her lesser like you thought you were for so long. You were equals. In her eyes, in your eyes, and now in the eye’s of the galaxy. Sure it made you just as much of a target as her now. But you wouldn’t trade this affection for each other for your lives.

She lightly tugged your hair in retribution to your teasing. “You’ve felt my emotions long before you knew that was a Jedi thing.”

You chuckled, hugging her closer to you as you both laid on the plush couch. Resting after a long night listening to her and Tsabin coordinate their deception. And how you would aid the protection of their identities. “I don’t know, I can think of some individuals you’d also like by your side~”

“There is no way I’m abusing my position as Queen to have that one Baka Rock band perform for you.” You hear Tsabin snort in the shadows. Padme glared into the darkness before shuffling further into your hug. Hiding her pout.

“Excuse you your majesty. But you’re the only fan of Baka here on all of Naboo, You’d be bringing them into a popularity light if you did summon them to perform. I’ll even pretend to enjoy it for a birthday gift if you’d rather the universe not know your affection for-“

Her dainty hand slapped over your mouth, fingers digging into your soft cheeks. “A childish crush of mine, you will take to your grave.” She threatened softly. Glancing to the shadows to send the same message.

You retaliated her authoritarian action with a flick of your tongue. Which she stubbornly kept against your lips. It was only a matter of time before she gave in and released your rebellious mouth. Covered in saliva and laughing. One of the few times you could remember her laughing freely before her duty took her life.


	5. Between a Rock and a Desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we're going to follow bits of Episode One: The Phantom Menance!!!

“Padme please, there is something wrong with this Trade Federation Settlement.” you whispered. The fear was growing stronger. Not only for the people on Naboo, but the Federation members surrounding the Planet. It was giving you a headache, and made you worry for your fiancée. Your cufflink beeped, notifying you of the senate’s delegates arrival to the Main Trade ship orbiting above.

“You would have me contact the Viceroy to confirm that signal.” Padme read your thoughts. Or you projected… either way the two of you grew closer mentally and emotionally. Organizing yourselves in public appearance and personal life. Thinking and acting often in unison. Much to the confusion of her parents. And fear from those who did not know your shared history, or your ability in the force.

“I would never presume to order you my queen. _As your friend and lover however I must insist that after the call you trade places with Sabe for security._ There’s something amiss with these ships and I fear an invasion.”

The conversation with the Viceroy was short. But it was enough to sense their fear of the delegates sent. You knew the worst was here. You stepped closer to Padme while the rest of the council bickered over what to do.

“I will not condone an action that would lead us to war.” She besheeched. Hoping she would not be the queen known for war and bloodshed.

“You may have no choice love.” You reminded her softly, resting your hand against her own. Feeling the spikes of animal’s deaths, the fear, destruction of your home. You gaze snapped to the window.

“Ma’am?”

“Activate the guard. The worst has come.” You activated your left bracer cuff. The red shield humming to life. Sensing no life from the halls. But hearing the oncoming droids in the distance. You prepared yourself to fight for your queen, your planet, your wife.

“Y/N” Put away your shield.” Padme ordered. “I will not loose the best guard I have. Better to let them believe you are incapable of fighting. If we can escape to the senate, I will need your abilities in place of an armed guard.”

You hated it. But it was a reasonable ploy. Sabe and Padme had enough time to trade appearances before the droids breached the throne room. Allowing yourself to be captured, taken to be processed. Waiting for the right time to escape with your love. The opportunity came with the addition of two Jedi’s a knight and a padawan. In short order your small group had escaped Naboo on a ship. Landing on Tatooine to repair the damaged hyper drive.

You unfortunately could not join Padme in cleaning R2D2 as you wished. Staying with the other Hand maidens to keep the illusion up. But as the guard left with the younger Jedi in tow. The Elder Jedi -Quigon- Remarked: “Your minds are almost good enough to keep a force user out. My padawan and I will keep Padme Safe. You have my word.”

The other maidens sighed in relief. Trusting the Jedi. You on the other hand noted the muted anxiety of his padawan, and within himself. Following the Jedi through the ship to more private quarters you made your fears known. “The moment we Land on Tatooine, there will be many opportunistic scavengers that would gladly tear apart a ship like this. The Hutts may not hunt for the queen, but the moment they realize there is a price upon her head, they will join the Federation with no shame or moral quandary.”

“You have a solution then?” the Jedi was listening.

“Take her to the planet with you. To get the parts we need for repairs. This vessel is an obvious target to raiders and thieves. She can carry the credits needed to buy supplies.”

“She will be a distraction and a target if she were to join me planet side.”

“Her curiosity is already burrowing into my skull Master Jedi. She’s going to demand, order, and pester everyone into going and seeing Tatooine. Admittedly I am curious myself. It is her first time in an outer rim world. As it is mine. I’m however too recognizable as her wife-to-be to join her.” You pursed your lips. “IF there is a way, I can repay you for this treat to her curiosity, without her death or enslavement, I will do so.”

The Jedi pondered. You could barely get a hint of what he thought about your words, or Padme’s stubborn inquisitive nature. And you feared he could breach into the deepest parts of your mind. To the little girl afraid of being sold for a father’s fortune. But he was quick to make his demand:

“Tell me the reason you were not accepted into our order? Your skills in mind reading, life sense, and emotions is unparalleled for someone outside the order.”

“I was rejected for a low count of midi-chlorians. I did not pass your order’s minimum requirements apparently as a babe. And I doubt and reject the idea of them inducting me to the order at my age now.” The master jedi had seemed caught off-guard with how quickly you caught his thoughts. Shielded as he was taught. “I already take issue with the fact that conscription is done at infancy. My father may have pawned me off as soon as he could. For whatever reasoning: Money, power, networking, my weight and needs. But I have grown, loved, and learned more than the Jedi could ever teach me. And if I am to give all of that up for the chance to throw rocks and wield a blade of light, I would never accept the chance.”

Quigon was quiet, solemn with the old wounds you revealed to him. “Nor would I ask you to. I fear the time has come for the Jedi to adapt. Or we risk falling through to corruption and darkness in our ranks. If you ever wish to learn about the force as it is, or the Jedi view of it,” He placed a comm link in your hand. “I am willing to answer your questions.”

“Against your Order’s rules?” You were suspicious. “You risk your status and respect as a Jedi, to teach someone beyond the allowed parameters of your Code?”

“Knowledge should not be kept from you, just because you were not raised in the cloisters.”

He left to prepare his attire and weapon. You remained wondering just what would become of the Jedi order now. After rejecting you based on arbitrary numbers all those years ago.


	6. I'm a Person!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah Anakin.  
> And more Force stuff.

“ _Are you an Angel?”_

_“I overhear the traders talk about them.”_

_“I’m a person, and my name is Anakin!”_

You spent your time on the beached ship split between watching the world of Tatooine through Padme’s willing eye’s, go through your focusing force practice, and guarding the ship from raiders, traders, hackers, and thieves.

The Planet Tatooine was a barren desert filled with sand, sand…..and more sand. With a few pepples and some rock fomations in the distance. The planet itself you would -at first glace- assume to be barren of life and civilization. But your force practice today proved otherwise.

Laying flat on the warm sand underneight the ship’s shadow. You felt the waves of ultraviolet energy of the twin suns above. You felt the tension from the five maidens, three pilots, Panaka, and the padawan Obiwan in the ship. A few meter beneath you, you felt the stationary Worrt waiting for an unsuspecting prey. The herd of Dewback’s across the dunes to your right. A great Krate Dragon was burrowing around the planet abover your head. Many leagues away from the ship thankfully. A Sarlacc was devouring a traveling merchant’s Eopie. And the town of Mos Isly to your left, with all kinds of life energy mingling, murdering, and bartering. Including Quigon, Jar Jar Binks, Padme, and the brightest aura.

Anakin Skywalker. The sand scrubbed boy with the brightest blue eyes who had caught Padme’s gaze. It was hard to look at him while in meditation, even with a proxy like Padme. In the plainest clothing, and meek stature. You could tell with his interactions with Watto that he at the very least was much like you: Afraid of punishment, for speaking out of turn, for running away from a master.

The boy. Anakin. He was also smitten with Padme. Clearer that the desert planet’s high noon sun convergence. A crush was much more sudden and sharper than the years of friendship and shared history you had with her. This was…Intense. He was passionate not only about Padme, but about his robotics, his piloting, his love for his mother. He felt and did nothing half done. You could feel every single emotion from him as if they were your own. His fear, his desire, his drive to help. Above all else he longed to be free.

_“Your friend was getting into trouble.”_

_“You’ll never make it back in time! Come on you can come to my place!”_

_“This is 3PO I built him to help my mom.”_

It was not hard to see Anakin’s compassion shinning in this backwater desert planet. A trait you knew to be rare in desperate, hopeless, places. Surrounded by beggars, slaves, smugglers, dealers, and all manner of cruelty. Yet he and his mother Shmi shinned with hope. With a drive for bettering not only themselves, but everyone around them.

But there was more to his compassion than pure selfless care for others. You could sense his desperation. His hope that Padme -your shared angel- would buy and free his mother and himself. Or the Jedi Master to take him to the order and trained as a Jedi like the stories of old. So, he could become the hero his mother needed. The hero every slave wanted. Even Jarjar was humored rather than berated for his moments of idiocy. In the hope of making himself appear more valuable beyond Tatooine.

He held hope for this Pod race to become a free man.

You couldn’t maintain your focus long enough, after your bracer beeped an urgent message for the queen. Getting up and dusting off as much sand as you could to deliver the message.

“You must contact us your majesty. You must return!” The holo fizzled out. You felt Governor Bibble’s desperation and fear. But not for the people. For now: Naboo was being processed, what casualties there were, were because of mobs and small rebellions. Individuals acting out in brash actions. Or faulty droids taking undo actions. There was time to spare if the people didn’t band together without the aid of the security force of Naboo to guide a more potent rebellion against the droid army.

“Don’t send a reply.” Obi Wan practically ordered. Before leaving to contact his Master. Giving you the opportunity to scoff without insulting the senate’s young dignitary.

“Could you tell if he truly believed we would establish contact with such a high risk of tracing?” Sabe asked you.

“His fear for our safety and the completion of his mission does make him think so, yes.” You sighed. Your head pounding in irritation at the Padawans thoughts. Since his fears mirrored yours so nicely it was like squaring zero in a math problem. It was quite likely that a one-way tracer was sent, and the moment you played the message: your position was in enemy hands. “He is reaffirming himself as an authority to trust. More than to order any of us.”

“He’s quite young.”

“Please don’t, We, barely started talked about our own wedding. Now is not the time to discuss adding a consort.” You groaned. The other Maidens chuckling. Quarsh Panaka leaving the room to give you, the queen-in-disguise, and the other maidens some privacy.

Walking to the security slab hidden away from view. You disabled the tracker and any possible recording devices and codes, even if your location was saved somewhere it would prevent further unwanted snooping. Leaving your discoveries with Obi wan and Panaka before locking the door from any unwanted intrusions from anyone for questions. Letting the maidens take a break from the acting. Five minutes. You needed peace for five minutes.

“I will be preparing rations for the evening. Since we cannot leave without the hyper drive, and we are most likely being hunted by the trade Federation allies here, we all will need strength.”


	7. Sandstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storms Coming in reader! Better get inside!!!  
> Or just walk through a sandstorm for you lady love, why not?

_“I saw your laser sword only Jedi carry those.”  
“I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came back here and freed all the slaves.”  
“I can help! I can fix anything.”  
“Mom you said the biggest problem in this universe is that nobody helps each other.”  
“I may not like it, but he can help you.”_

You served the other’s their meals and left the ship for Mos Isley. Covered head to toe in a plane grey sheet you had cut into as a disguise. None of Padme’s current apparel fit you. To anyone looking you wore a Habit, trying a string of red thread as your only belt. Your head covered in a scarf, and some pilots goggles to protect your eye’s from the storm that had blown in.

You felt absolutely _useless_ on the ship. And you knew there were opportunities to trade credits for local currency. Or at the least some jewelry for spice then local currency. It wasn’t pretty or legal, yet the current situation called for some shady measures. If you could avoid anything too cruel or illegal you would.

“And where do you think you’re going your majesty?” Obi Wan demanded of you. It was unavoidable in this ship to avoid the young jedi.

“Your Master requires aid in acquiring parts and has enlisted a local boy for help.” You were honest. Holding no ill towards the jedi. “I am going to see if I can procure more credits or supplies to help them.”

“And how do you intend to reach the city in this sandstorm? The winds are high enough to flay your skin your majesty.” Obi wan was growing irritated at you. Unknowing of your abilities apparent. Did his master not tell him of your force power? Or the deception onboard this very ship? “I figured a lady of your stature would understand where you could best serve your queen.”

You glowered down at the brat. With no word you turned to the ships exit, focused on turning the winds and sands around you, parting them as you walked off the ship and towards the many life signs of the city. The wind caressing your curves, and your growing force power guiding the hard grains of sands from damaging you. Leaving a gaping padawan behind. Your mind already made on how you could aid your queen best.

After all this was a smugglers paradise, even the outer rim regulars would require republic credits if they wanted to take part in the core world black markets or pay tolls through republic space. Money spoke louder than pleading. All that remained was to find a Rim Jumper that could use republic credits, and a betting zone for the Boonta Eve races. It would be the least scummy thing to do.

The cantina would be the best place to start.


	8. The Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time for the Races has come. Everything hinges on Anakin Skywalker's Victory.  
> You place your bets.

_“The Queen does not need to know.”_

_“Well I don’t approve.”_

_“I saved the pod……mostly…..”_

You chuckled mentally. _“I never knew you to be so petulant Angel.”_ Projecting your thoughts to another was difficult for you. Even when you shared many years of practice with the most open-minded idealist. It was always strange to feel out for someone and push your words to them.

You felt Padme shake her head. Feeling the soft caress of her mind letting you in. “You’ve grown stronger with this.” She whispered. Knowing you could hear her clearer when she spoke aloud, rather than try to project her words back to you. That was a migraine you wished to avoid. “How are things back on the ship.”

“ _Everyone is anxious.”_ You spoke to the trader you found willing to not only trade your republic credits to wupiupi but help you place bets as well. Laughing at your new friends face when you told them who you were going to -in their words- ‘waste’ 10,000 republic credits betting on. “ _We received word from governor Bibble, they really want you to sign the treaty. Without reading it.”_ You snorted. Thankfully your Kessurian trader made a joke as you scoffed, and you were able to avoid annoying or misguiding them with another huff and smirk.

“A poor attempt at turning this invasion into a legal transfer of power no doubt.” Padme Whispered. You never knew if she could see your side of things or hear your thoughts. You were grateful none the less, the Jizz in this cantina was horrid. “I’ve felt your eye’s the entire time I’ve been gone.”

You frowned. “ _I apologize. I can leave your mind if you want?”_

“No. I like having my own angel watching over me.”

“ _I’m no angel in this relationship love.”_ You sipped on the terrible drink fearing no poisoning as the Cantina set up it’s large screens for viewers. People didn’t care for a heavily dressed patron escaping a sandstorm, wanting to waste credits on an underdog pilot and some scrapheap. Assuming they would get their share of your remaining credits and possibly a new slave if you went into debt.

Your Kasserian trader: Talin. Believed their odds at full earnings (both republic and outer rim) and your poor judgement were far to easy to pass up. No matter what; they would win by helping you make your bets. Either Anakin would win, the pot would go to you -to be split with other’s who cashed in on the human- Talin would keep 40 percent of your earnings, you had put in enough to cover a new drive along with some much-needed spare parts for the ship.

Or: Anakin lost, your bet would net to zero, and Talin would keep your republic credits and the wupiupi she transferred for your use. Even the chance to capture you and sell you off to the Hutts. You knew she was an opportunistic drug mule and would take anything to stay in the republic’s good graces. Money spoke the loudest. Slaves were a viable currency. And this was a no loss scenario they would not pass up.

But Talin also wanted out. Out of the darkness, Out of the drug dens and slime lords. They were more interested in textiles and decor designs. So, you made the ultimate bet: you keep all the wuipupi earnings, aside from what will get her to Naboonian allies. And they would start a shipping business for fabrics should Anakin win the race. Will the full financing and preference given from Queen Amidala as long as she reigned. It required you to reveal your identity. But they were all in at that bet. With promises that you would leave the city without a bounty for any perceived debt if you lost.

“No, a Loth-wolf would be appropriate now.” Padme recalled the day you shared your true name. “Considering your listening to a horrid rendition of Sozzels greatest hits. I’m going to assume our pilot made that music choice.”

“ _I’m not at the ship Padme.”_ You kept to yourself as the cantina started crowding. Regulars and Podracer fans gathering around and getting more rowdy waiting for the betting to begin. “ _I will not place all our efforts on this Watto and his good graces.”_

“But you’re betting on Anakin right?”

“ _Kids got heart and a drive to get things done. Reminds me of another love-struck leader in the making.”_

“I should not be encouraging gambling in my courts Y/N.”

“ _Even if the earnings I make -should Anakin win- go to the mother and son who are helping us?”_ Tilting your head back, you downed the last of your drink, and paid what few Wupiupi you had to spare for some rations of water. Their alcohol was swill to your tastes. “ _I can hear Quigon’s negotiations from where you sit. I will have no use for outer rim money -aside from a souvenir- and those two deserve payment for helping us repair the ship and saving Naboo.”_

“I guess I can let you Gamble for a good cause.”

“ _I appreciate the permission. Rest well Padme. I will join you at the tracks tomorrow.”_ There were far too many opportunities to get connections. And simple bets for more coin if you played your tricks right.

You had hoped to rest well through the night. Meditating in your booth with the cantina owner’s consent. Yet you never fell asleep. Offering to clean the bar up in exchange for letting you remain in the main area that night.

There was a shadow on the horizon. A black star falling towards the town. And you did not want to be caught off guard.

~~~

In the morning before the race began you went to the racers barracks, following the force of Padme and Anakin. Laughing when you felt Padme’s abject horror. Calming your head from the day before with a full night’s mantra and hours of scrubbing tables free of sand and dust. Walking towards the racing stadium and the shops below.

“ _Oh maker Qui gon really is putting all his eggs in this kid.”_ Her mind shook _._

“To be fair, I’ve bet on Anakin too.” You spoke right behind her.

“ _WHAT_?!” Padme Shrieked. Twirling around to see you looking over your tattered sand covered sheet dress. “You’re supposed to be at the ship.” She played the part of handmaiden well. you could feel her desire to hug you.

“The Queen was not pleased you wager her ship without consultation, Master Jedi.” Your eyes pierced Qui gon’s from beneath the veil and goggles. Daring him to break cover or say anything against your presence.

“I fear there was no alternative to obtaining the parts we require.” Jinn lied smoothly. Walking away from the track to the viewers towers. You, Padme, Jarjar, and Shimi following. Your Kassarian trader already waiting within the deck.

“Then the jedi do not have as much common sense as I thought. Talin here was more than receptive to trading republic credits for wuipupi’s. Unfortunately, I did not have the total amount needed for repairs. Most of our allowance going to you. Hence the betting.” You stayed near Padme as you explained your explorations and dealings with the grey markets. “If we had started with currency traders or traveling merchants from the mid rim, you could have transferred the amount needed for Watto.”

“You are right m’lady. But I cannot stand aside, when I have a chance to save the boy from further servitude.” Quigon replied. You felt Shmi’s gasp, that spark of hope within her flaring brightly at his words.

“Charitable Master Jedi.” You remarked. “At the very least if Watto does go back on his deal, I will have earned enough credit to repair the ship his way.”

“I doubt it will come to that. Tungarians are creatures of their words.”

“Unless they choose to omit some words in their bargaining.”

But the race was starting, Anakin Stalling, and the tension spiked sharply. No matter what happened now, your fate, Padme’s fate, Naboo’s fate. Rested on the boy’s shoulders.


	9. FREEDOM

“I appreciate your discretion Talin. I hope your shipping career takes off after this.”

“Are you kriffing me? With this amount of credits, I can drop the smuggling entirely and go into textiles like I wanted! And the network and customers you have given me?! Thanks for the chance to design for the Queen and her maids.” Talin shook your hand ecstatically. Pockets filled with enough outer rim and republic credit to leave Tatooine and get to work.

“It was my honor; I will send a design soon enough for you to make.” You smiled back. Taking her hand in both of yours and bid her well wishes. “For now, get out of here and get settled into a new life. I look forward to hearing of your progress soon!”

“Yes Ma’am!” Talin saluted. Running off to her ship to start a new career.

“I’m so proud of you Ani! You have brought hope to people who had none.” Shmi was hugging her son tightly, his own chubby cheeks squished by the force of her affection.

“mooooom.” He whined. Nevertheless, he returned her hug.

“Mrs. Skywalker?” you had remained beside Padme. Watching the loving scene unfold. Her bright brown eyes caught your own. Standing tall with her hands resting on her boy’s shoulders.

“Are you a representative of the queen like Padme?” She asked softly. The halls were mostly empty, but one could never be too sure with any dangerous place.

“In a way.” You replied. Holding out the bag of credits you had won betting everything on Anakin. You sensed Quigon’s satisfaction. Most likely from Watto’s relinquishment of his youngest slave. “We will have no need for these traveling to Coruscant. Seeing as everything has been settled with the hyper drive. I have no need to buy parts for the ship. As was originally intended.” You set the twenty wuipupi’s in her hands. “I’m not sure of the amount it takes to free you. But I hope this makes your time as a slave shorter.”

Here eye’s were tearing up. Wide. Afraid. Hopeful. “Oh, my goodness.”

“Mom! That’s enough to cut both our time in half!” The boy rushed to you; the hug was the tightest. The brightest smile on his face. “Thank you, thank you, thank you Goddess!”

You returned his hug. Tearing up behind the grey veil at his declaration. Disappointed you could not free his mother. “I’m sorry I could not do more now. But I swear when the Queen returns to Naboo we will do everything we can, in the senate and in person, to free as many slaves as we can.”

“Promise?” Anakin, bright honest Anakin filled with hope at your words.

“I promise Anakin. At the very least we can work to free your mother, for all your help today.” You glanced back to Padme, who nodded. You both taking the promise to heart. All the way back to the ship. Where you aided the padawan and the crew in making repairs.


	10. Don't Look Back

_“What about mom? Is she free too?”_

_“My place is here my future is here. It’s time for you to **let go**.”_

_“I don’t want things to change **. I don’t want to leave you alone**!”_

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re crying.” Obi Wan pointed out while tightening bolts in the capacitor.

“Is your master not projecting what’s happening to you?” You asked softly. Wiping away the tears all but flowing down your face like a river.

“No. Is he projecting his thoughts to you?” Obiwan seemed perturbed by the idea.

“I don’t think so-“ You choked, feeling the warmest embrace you had never felt. You thought you were going insane. It felt like your mother was hugging you. Whispering her praises and urgings to let change happen. You were floating in a void with wisps of bright light caressing you, embracing you, loving you.

_“Will I ever see you again?”  
“What does your heart tell you?”  
“I will come back and free you mom. **I promise.** ”  
“Don’t look back Anakin.”_

Vestiges of the light clung to your eye’s as desperation dragged along your heart. When you able to open your eye’s again. Obiwan had removed you from the vents his hand resting on your head. His featured pained, sweat beading town his temple. The hall a barren silvery grey. The repairs forgotten momentarily in your shared stress.

“Whoever that is, brought your consciousness to the force. I hope those tears are from a joyous occasion.” You heard Obiwan wheeze above you. He had strained his abilities to guide your mind back to your body. “You will need to shield your mind from such powerful emotions. Less they drag you into actions you never meant to do yourself.”

You nodded. Your head was aching, and your heart was splintering. You knew those energies. They were owed much, from you and Padme. Was the money you earned not enough to free Anakin’s mother? Even with Quigon’s chances with fate?

You knew this pain ripping your soul to shreds. Your heart never knew loss personally, but your father had lost his wife, his equal, his lover, his partner. Her death drove him to self-destruction. To gambling, races, wasting away in drinks and other miserable people. With only a sliver of sense to send you to the Naberrie Family before his metaphorical death. Sending you away to someone who could save you; while he burned in search of love already lost in his heart.

You vowed to be a constant in Anakin’s life, guide him, stabilize him, as he needed. Less his agony rends the universe apart in his pain.


End file.
